September 2018: The In-Between
The month of September in the year 2018 was such a strange month. It's theme, hands down, was: transition.
I'm not the best with change... In my adult life, I've discovered that I'm a slow processor and I need time to adjust. And the fact that time FOR REAL flies by doesn't help!!! I think back to certain events and am still in the mindset of "I can't believe that happened!", much less "here are the consequences of said event -- ready, go!" Anyway, change is imminent and inevitable and I know it. But that doesn't make it easy for me.
So, September '18... The In-Between.
It started to get chillier this month. Some of the leaves began to turn yellow. The couple of crisp Fall mornings made me yearn for more. And the funny thing about Autumn is, in all its glory, that it's intentionally a season of transition. I really am so thankful to live in a place that experiences all four seasons and sways to the the gradual dance between summer and winter. It's kinda ironic that I struggle with change yet adore Fall so much.
As the weather showed off what good comes from reflection and shifting and closing doors and prepping to be pruned, my own life was reflecting it.
My full-time job was a bit crazy with our annual busy season at its peak, plus an additional one-time project thrown on top! One of our teammates (and one of my forever bf's) had her baby, so that made things even a little more interesting! Everything was handled and all was well... but having her gone took a bit of getting used to and kept our plates full. (Her babe is so worth it and precious.)
My other "job" at the church... although it does take a lot of work and effort, it's weird calling it a "job". I love these students so so much. Such a huge part of my life and time and energy has gone into youth kids for the past 5 years. (5 years! Right now, October 2018, marks the 5 year mark of me being officially on staff at Central and getting to love on teenagers, being humbled, being forever impacted, and learning a heck of a lot about our God, about myself, about teenage struggles, about parenting, and about intentionality. Holy moly. There's no way I'm the same person that I was 5 years ago.) ANYWAY, my youth ministry job hit full-blown conversion in September. Tanner left the church to move on to bigger and better things and myself along with one other set of parents are in charge during the interim! It's an honor as well as a responsibility to keep the youth group "running" til we get a new hire. I am so lucky to be involved. September held parent meetings, student feedback sessions, ramped up duties, getting together with the transition team, not letting any balls drop, digging into my normal kids and regular duties that I'd do anyway, and prepping for a new person. It's a change to take on more responsibilities, for sure. But it's also a change to say "goodbye" to Tanner as my ministry partner and one of the wisest people I know. And it's a change to get ready for a whole new personality coming on board which will impact so much of my life and this ministry that I'm passionate about. Transition, yall. I most certainly am living out the in-between at Central right now. It's beautiful and it. is. hard.
Friendships... I think I could do an entire blog post dedicated to how difficult adult friendships are! Making friends used to be so easy for me! Life was just easier and has more opportunities for connecting. I have changed, certainly, but at this stage I think I have different intentions for friendships which make them harder and also people in my life stage are freaking BUSY, yall! Jobs, extended family, lifelong friends already in place, kids, kids, did I mention kids? Having a deep friendship where you get to see each other often and you get to dig into each other's lives is super challenging. Not impossible, and I see so many families at church living out community so well, but tough for sure. I desire friends who become family. Who are like-minded and seeking out the same things we are in life. And I desire to not let go of the relationships already in place. But how do I do it all?! Anyway, September held some shifting as far as friends are concerned as well. One super close friend became removed both emotionally and then physically and that was something I truly grieved. I had to readjust my life, emotions, and expectations during this month to fit this new normal. On the other hand, completely unrelated to the loss of a tight-knit relationship, a different friendship that was already in place grew and was deepened during September and for that, I couldn't be more grateful. I want to cling to that friendship that I've put so much effort into. Thank you, Lord!
Xan the Man! This sweet sweet boy. A post coming soon talking about his 11th birthday and the fun we had with that. :) But September, along with him turning one digit older, showed us signs and wonders of the PRETEEN. Yep. *gasp* Eek. When it first hit, we were confused. Then when we realized, we were shocked and terrified. Okay, maybe just me... Blu handled it pretty well and he voiced our need to shift our parenting styles and the way we talk to him, work with him, what we expect of him, how we engage him. He printed off articles. He prayed. And me? I'll get there for sure, but the PRETEEN recognition hit me hard. I became nervously terrified because I know how important this time of his life is!!! And I think my own hormones hit in a moment of wide-eyed awareness. So you add that on top of Xan's PRETEEN hormones comin' to town, and you have a man named Blu that you really need to pray earnestly for. :) :) :) Holy... With everything else going on, Xan's growing and shifting (maybe a little early? He's always been a little ahead of his age group. Really, he's just a tiny adult with an old soul that I adore) was not expected and made me realize even more how inevitable change is and how little control I have over anything. Also, just in general, I grieve any loss of innocence in any kid. So, cue the tears that my own precious Xan is growing up (even though I'm so so proud of him!!!) *TEARS* PRETEEN.
This month brought up even more realizations with it. I think these are things that I already knew, but life and world happenings made them ever-so-apparent.
The In-Between.
The name of September 2018 and also what I am, in a way. In a few ways, maybe.
With the youth group, I feel very much in the middle of this generation of kids and how they are growing up, vs the parents and the way parents think/grew up/act. I'm technically a millennial, but I'm at the very very "old" end of the spectrum so I grew up in a different world that the full-on millennials and though I grew up without technology or social media, I have easily (and sometimes warily) adapted to it. I feel like I can relate to and understand the concerns and perspectives of older generations and parents of current teenagers. But I also feel engaged in what the young generation is going through and what they are facing and what they are passionate about. I love so many of the changes taking place through passionate young people who are fighting for justice and empathy and social good and equality. And I also feel deeply aware of the crucial part that Truth plays and how our cultural pendulum has the tendency to swing. I'm not at all saying that I'm "all knowing" or have all the answers. That's far from it. But I do think I'm in a unique position to relate to both sides and maybe I haven't tapped into that opportunity much yet. I think there's some missed potential happening there. I've been aware of this before, but I think the awareness is starting to stir something deeper within me.
At the same time, our world is totally nutso right now. It doesn't take much skill or intuition to know that! But with everything that happened with Trump and Kavenaugh in September, it bred a deeper realization that I am very anti-democrat. And very anti-republican. I don't want to get into politics, but in summation, I very much in between and I see the good and bad in both sides. The loud opinions of the --seemingly-- whole world right now are exhausting. Where is the balance? I have friends and family on both sides of the spectrum. And it's not that I disagree with everything...but I feel strongly that I have a very different perspective than all of them. The super conservative people in my life. The extremely liberal people in my life. I'm SUCH a balance that I tend to say nothing because I contrast all of them, no matter what side they are on. I'm not patting myself on the back by any means. If anything, I'm acknowledging how exhausting that the In-Between is. But it's also another untapped opportunity, I think, that I have yet to figure out how to do well.
With all of these places where I'm a middle-man, I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be a bridge. I don't want to be a wall. I want to be a balanced stability. It's a difficult place I'm in that I've become aware of. Lord, help me to not ignore this and to engage these privileges in the best possible way.
My marriage with Blu was continuing to shift and transition this past month as well. We had already been in a season, starting in April, of change and challenge and attack. Our marriage withstood the storm, but it wasn't without tears and heartache and major WORK! Marriage IS hard and marriage is so worth it. But during the lovely Fall time, our hard work was started to reap what we sowed earlier in the year and my... I am so grateful for how our marriage grew, what we learned about ourselves individually, and how we are stronger as a couple. I think for me, during this huge season of change, our marriage could be best described as being transformed. It has been lovely to let go of tensions and to bask in the glory of God's blessings. I know that God wants a lot from us. He created us for one another and for big, good things. But He also adores us and has been faithful, showing us more of who He is and proving to us that His Truth is real -- He never forsakes. He is who He says He is. I'm starting to challenge myself by giving up any distrust and resting in the scary freedom that I don't have to protect myself. That our marriage isn't ours and I am not mine. We are His, and I thank God for September shifting: showing me the colors of His glory, the refreshing touch of His love, the serenity of change.
The In-Between. That was September 2018. And that is also me, in a lot of ways.
Transitions are HARD. I don't know that I'll ever get "good" at them. But change and the process of such is worth it when you lean into the vulnerability of it.
Pray for me and all my changes, all of my happenings, all of my realizations.
Thank you, September.
I'm not the best with change... In my adult life, I've discovered that I'm a slow processor and I need time to adjust. And the fact that time FOR REAL flies by doesn't help!!! I think back to certain events and am still in the mindset of "I can't believe that happened!", much less "here are the consequences of said event -- ready, go!" Anyway, change is imminent and inevitable and I know it. But that doesn't make it easy for me.
So, September '18... The In-Between.
It started to get chillier this month. Some of the leaves began to turn yellow. The couple of crisp Fall mornings made me yearn for more. And the funny thing about Autumn is, in all its glory, that it's intentionally a season of transition. I really am so thankful to live in a place that experiences all four seasons and sways to the the gradual dance between summer and winter. It's kinda ironic that I struggle with change yet adore Fall so much.
As the weather showed off what good comes from reflection and shifting and closing doors and prepping to be pruned, my own life was reflecting it.
My full-time job was a bit crazy with our annual busy season at its peak, plus an additional one-time project thrown on top! One of our teammates (and one of my forever bf's) had her baby, so that made things even a little more interesting! Everything was handled and all was well... but having her gone took a bit of getting used to and kept our plates full. (Her babe is so worth it and precious.)
My other "job" at the church... although it does take a lot of work and effort, it's weird calling it a "job". I love these students so so much. Such a huge part of my life and time and energy has gone into youth kids for the past 5 years. (5 years! Right now, October 2018, marks the 5 year mark of me being officially on staff at Central and getting to love on teenagers, being humbled, being forever impacted, and learning a heck of a lot about our God, about myself, about teenage struggles, about parenting, and about intentionality. Holy moly. There's no way I'm the same person that I was 5 years ago.) ANYWAY, my youth ministry job hit full-blown conversion in September. Tanner left the church to move on to bigger and better things and myself along with one other set of parents are in charge during the interim! It's an honor as well as a responsibility to keep the youth group "running" til we get a new hire. I am so lucky to be involved. September held parent meetings, student feedback sessions, ramped up duties, getting together with the transition team, not letting any balls drop, digging into my normal kids and regular duties that I'd do anyway, and prepping for a new person. It's a change to take on more responsibilities, for sure. But it's also a change to say "goodbye" to Tanner as my ministry partner and one of the wisest people I know. And it's a change to get ready for a whole new personality coming on board which will impact so much of my life and this ministry that I'm passionate about. Transition, yall. I most certainly am living out the in-between at Central right now. It's beautiful and it. is. hard.
Friendships... I think I could do an entire blog post dedicated to how difficult adult friendships are! Making friends used to be so easy for me! Life was just easier and has more opportunities for connecting. I have changed, certainly, but at this stage I think I have different intentions for friendships which make them harder and also people in my life stage are freaking BUSY, yall! Jobs, extended family, lifelong friends already in place, kids, kids, did I mention kids? Having a deep friendship where you get to see each other often and you get to dig into each other's lives is super challenging. Not impossible, and I see so many families at church living out community so well, but tough for sure. I desire friends who become family. Who are like-minded and seeking out the same things we are in life. And I desire to not let go of the relationships already in place. But how do I do it all?! Anyway, September held some shifting as far as friends are concerned as well. One super close friend became removed both emotionally and then physically and that was something I truly grieved. I had to readjust my life, emotions, and expectations during this month to fit this new normal. On the other hand, completely unrelated to the loss of a tight-knit relationship, a different friendship that was already in place grew and was deepened during September and for that, I couldn't be more grateful. I want to cling to that friendship that I've put so much effort into. Thank you, Lord!
Xan the Man! This sweet sweet boy. A post coming soon talking about his 11th birthday and the fun we had with that. :) But September, along with him turning one digit older, showed us signs and wonders of the PRETEEN. Yep. *gasp* Eek. When it first hit, we were confused. Then when we realized, we were shocked and terrified. Okay, maybe just me... Blu handled it pretty well and he voiced our need to shift our parenting styles and the way we talk to him, work with him, what we expect of him, how we engage him. He printed off articles. He prayed. And me? I'll get there for sure, but the PRETEEN recognition hit me hard. I became nervously terrified because I know how important this time of his life is!!! And I think my own hormones hit in a moment of wide-eyed awareness. So you add that on top of Xan's PRETEEN hormones comin' to town, and you have a man named Blu that you really need to pray earnestly for. :) :) :) Holy... With everything else going on, Xan's growing and shifting (maybe a little early? He's always been a little ahead of his age group. Really, he's just a tiny adult with an old soul that I adore) was not expected and made me realize even more how inevitable change is and how little control I have over anything. Also, just in general, I grieve any loss of innocence in any kid. So, cue the tears that my own precious Xan is growing up (even though I'm so so proud of him!!!) *TEARS* PRETEEN.
This month brought up even more realizations with it. I think these are things that I already knew, but life and world happenings made them ever-so-apparent.
The In-Between.
The name of September 2018 and also what I am, in a way. In a few ways, maybe.
With the youth group, I feel very much in the middle of this generation of kids and how they are growing up, vs the parents and the way parents think/grew up/act. I'm technically a millennial, but I'm at the very very "old" end of the spectrum so I grew up in a different world that the full-on millennials and though I grew up without technology or social media, I have easily (and sometimes warily) adapted to it. I feel like I can relate to and understand the concerns and perspectives of older generations and parents of current teenagers. But I also feel engaged in what the young generation is going through and what they are facing and what they are passionate about. I love so many of the changes taking place through passionate young people who are fighting for justice and empathy and social good and equality. And I also feel deeply aware of the crucial part that Truth plays and how our cultural pendulum has the tendency to swing. I'm not at all saying that I'm "all knowing" or have all the answers. That's far from it. But I do think I'm in a unique position to relate to both sides and maybe I haven't tapped into that opportunity much yet. I think there's some missed potential happening there. I've been aware of this before, but I think the awareness is starting to stir something deeper within me.
At the same time, our world is totally nutso right now. It doesn't take much skill or intuition to know that! But with everything that happened with Trump and Kavenaugh in September, it bred a deeper realization that I am very anti-democrat. And very anti-republican. I don't want to get into politics, but in summation, I very much in between and I see the good and bad in both sides. The loud opinions of the --seemingly-- whole world right now are exhausting. Where is the balance? I have friends and family on both sides of the spectrum. And it's not that I disagree with everything...but I feel strongly that I have a very different perspective than all of them. The super conservative people in my life. The extremely liberal people in my life. I'm SUCH a balance that I tend to say nothing because I contrast all of them, no matter what side they are on. I'm not patting myself on the back by any means. If anything, I'm acknowledging how exhausting that the In-Between is. But it's also another untapped opportunity, I think, that I have yet to figure out how to do well.
With all of these places where I'm a middle-man, I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be a bridge. I don't want to be a wall. I want to be a balanced stability. It's a difficult place I'm in that I've become aware of. Lord, help me to not ignore this and to engage these privileges in the best possible way.
My marriage with Blu was continuing to shift and transition this past month as well. We had already been in a season, starting in April, of change and challenge and attack. Our marriage withstood the storm, but it wasn't without tears and heartache and major WORK! Marriage IS hard and marriage is so worth it. But during the lovely Fall time, our hard work was started to reap what we sowed earlier in the year and my... I am so grateful for how our marriage grew, what we learned about ourselves individually, and how we are stronger as a couple. I think for me, during this huge season of change, our marriage could be best described as being transformed. It has been lovely to let go of tensions and to bask in the glory of God's blessings. I know that God wants a lot from us. He created us for one another and for big, good things. But He also adores us and has been faithful, showing us more of who He is and proving to us that His Truth is real -- He never forsakes. He is who He says He is. I'm starting to challenge myself by giving up any distrust and resting in the scary freedom that I don't have to protect myself. That our marriage isn't ours and I am not mine. We are His, and I thank God for September shifting: showing me the colors of His glory, the refreshing touch of His love, the serenity of change.
The In-Between. That was September 2018. And that is also me, in a lot of ways.
Transitions are HARD. I don't know that I'll ever get "good" at them. But change and the process of such is worth it when you lean into the vulnerability of it.
Pray for me and all my changes, all of my happenings, all of my realizations.
Thank you, September.
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