672 Hours

Today marks one month.
Twenty eight days exactly.
Four Tuesdays ago, I watched my momma take her last breath.

(That's surreal to think about, bizarre to say aloud, and just plain crazy to type out where it's visually set in stone.)

Two years ago this coming Friday, my life changed forever.  Our whole family's lives changed forever.  And four Tuesdays ago, that change exponentiated itself.

For all the goodness in the hearts of my loved ones, for all the faith, for all the behind-the-scenes servanthood, for all the love given and received...even for all of that, we still weren't protected from the shadows of this broken earth.

Nor should we have been.  

We just so happened to be blessed with lives of love, laughter, gentleness, goofiness -- it's true.  But that was a merciful gift bestowed upon our family that we cherished for all the years it was given.
We were not promised lives of quality or continual benefits on this earth.
We were, rather, promised lives of difficulty, lives of busted hearts, and lives --if lived for The Lord-- of unending hardship and pain.

Lord, I hear ya loud and clear..

Change has a funny way of turning things upside down.  Time has an odd way of mending the broken.  Yet sometimes all the time in the world doesn't do a bit of good.  And sometimes change results in a 360 instead of a 180, ending up where one began.

Lord, I give Change and Time up to you.
I surrender.  Here they are.
These little tools you've used in my life -- continue to use them, O God.  Don't let the world intercept them.  

Let Change be my initiator.
Lord, let Time hold no constraint over me.
Let Change bring about your wisdom.
Let Time be only in Your hands, where the healing is God-paced.  

One month.
It's too long.
I ache every day.
And yet His promises never fail; His plan lasts an eternity.  I rest in that.